I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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