You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
