at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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