Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
