what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
