just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
