put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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