why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
