this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
