Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
