It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
