Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
