You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
