I think im going to throw up on grandma
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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