It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
