My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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