but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
