Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
