just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
