I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
