I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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