Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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