This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
