i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
