All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
