So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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