can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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