I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
