That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize