I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
