I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
