a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
