is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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