Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
