What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
