just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
