I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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