I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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