I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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