The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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