you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
