I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
