Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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