well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
4 words: hood of his car
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
