I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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