i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
