Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
