I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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