My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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