the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
