im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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