i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he puts the penis in happiness.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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