Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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