"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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