So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this boner is exhausting
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize