if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We're too hungover to prance.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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