My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize