I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
