Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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