hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
