I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize