If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wish there were birth control emojis
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
