just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need water and some morals
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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