i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
