If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
